So 'bout that blogging regularly and staying on top of this.... yeah...
ANYWAY.... This week has been a wee bit stressful. And by wee I mean REALLY stressful. I have been freaking out about the amount of work that I have to do and realizing very quickly that there aren't enough ours in the day, or rather, semester. I have roughly three 10-15 page research papers to work on- one being exegetical in nature, another 4-6 page exegetical paper (religion majors sympathize), an interview, two arts and music papers involving concerts I have to attend, a book critique- meaning I actually have to read the book, not to mention all of the day to day reading and work that already takes me hours a night. Plus, I have a job and I need to be planning floor events and attending meetings, etc, not to mention Gospel Choir and other ministries. Oh... and I have people I'm actually supposed to interact with (friends, family, etc.) I've been freaking out, not gonna lie, and now I apologize for unloading all of that... deep breath, everything will be fine. :)
Needless to say, I have not been a ray of sunshine lately, and for that I apologize. My roommate is a saint for putting up with me! Those of you who know me know that I am a hard core perfectionist, competitive to a fault, especially concerning academics. I need A's, and will push myself to the limit to get them. Now, sometimes this is really good! Scholarships are nice, and I do actually learn a lot and it's good to know that I've done my best, but in the long run, I'm really just good at making myself and others miserable. :)
Tuesday night, while I was doing homework (go figure), God really called me out on my attitude. I was reading for World Religions about the importance of prayer in Judaism (super cool- go research!) and started to get convicted about how much time I have really spent seeking God in quietness and humility. All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was sit in silence and cover my head in humility and awe of this AMAZING God. That night God reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. I am so much like Martha it's insane, and God knows that. Martha had the best intentions, cooking and preparing for Jesus and his disciples, serving in the best way that she knew how, and there's nothing wrong with that- in fact that kind of service is a good thing! What Jesus valued more, however, was Mary sitting at his feet adoring him and being in relationship with him.
I felt God ask me, "Why are you striving so hard? What is the ultimate goal?" Now, my goal has always been to serve God with everything I am and to fulfill the purpose that He has for me. I want to do my best in school so that I can handle the two majors I think He has called me to, and so that I can go to grad school to fulfill his plan for my life. What God said, though, was, "I have called you to be in relationship with me and to glorify me in all that you do. If your striving is getting in the way of our relationship, and in your relationships with the others that I love, you are failing. You can glorify me without straight A's. You don't have to fulfill my purpose for you on your own- that's my job, and that's where trust comes in. What I want is your best- give what you can, keeping your priorities straight, and I will take care of the rest." .........Duh. How have I been missing that for the last, oh, I don't know, forever? To know that God has it is so freeing!
On Wednesday, I was still really thinking about all of this, and wishing that I had the chance to really just get away and be with God, but not being able to figure out how to do it in my schedule. Once again, God's got it! Arts and Music was canceled! I got to go spend a good forty-five minutes in silence and prayer, and God led me to Isaiah 55. Basically, God asks, "why do you labor for what will not satisfy?" He offers life through relationship with Him, saying "give ear to me that you may live." At this point, I'm pretty much freaking out... I love it when God grabs hold of me and just repeatedly hits me over the head with truth that He knows I really need to hear. The same night we sang "All Who Are Thirsty," in Gospel Choir, a song based off of Isaiah 55. How cool is God?????
Anywho... be encouraged. I know that everyone is crazy stressed right now, but take heart in the fact that God has the situation under control and that He will fulfill the plans that He has for you. Give Him your best, keeping in mind that relationship is what He truly wants, and experience the joy and peace that He longs to offer. I know that I am feeling better about life now that I've been reminded. :)
