Dear Friend,

The letter that I will never send, but will always want to send.

 

Dear friend,

            I saw you walking by today with a broken look on your face and my arms physically ached to hold you and let you know that everything will be alright.  I would have given everything to be able to text you and ask about your day.  Do you know what it is to love someone so much that you would give your very life for them but not be able to tell them?

            What happened to us?  I know that I made that final call, but I want you to know that it was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do.  I cried for months afterward and I still wonder every day if I made the right decision.  I’m terrified that what I did with the best intentions only served to push you closer to the edge and I will regret the decision that I had to make for the rest of my life.

            You were my brother and my best friend and I loved you more than I can say.  A year later I still get the urge to text you, and when my heart was hurt all I wanted was a hug that told me you still cared and that the boy was wrong.  I miss the way we laughed and the way you defended me.  Some days I would give everything for another walk to the beach.

            Despite all of this doubt and these feelings, I’ve given you to the One who loves you more than I ever could.  I give you to the One who is more than able to bridge this chasm now between us and to heal what has been broken.  In the end, I followed Him in the only way I knew how, and I pray with my whole heart that He grabs your heart once more and reminds you of His love.  I can’t bear the thought of you going through this life without knowing a relationship with your Father, and the thought of spending eternity without you makes it hard to breathe.   

I’ll love you, brother, until the day I die, and I won’t stop praying for you until then.  

Love always,
   Chelsie